The most common and consistent element in your entire life is you. You are the only thing that is consistent 100% of the time in your life. This is why learning, improving, and growing are essential for your life to improve in any area and this is true for the relationships you have as well.

Relationships of all kinds, involve you and are essential for your happiness but it is typically intimate relationships which cause the most pain or create the most joy… so we will primarily deal with these relationships in this article. Intimate love can be the most powerful experience but if things go awry, it can also be the most painful. So how does personal development relate to relationships?

In a relationship, much like in life, we are given constant feedback. In life, this feedback comes from a variety of sources but in a relationship, it always comes from one person – that special person. It’s not that they always relay that feedback to you, though that happens from time to time; it is the quality of the relationship that tells you the most. How much do you argue? Are those arguments about the same thing? Do you consistently do something that angers the other person? And most importantly, whose faults are the problems in your relationship?
Whenever we deal with someone else there is the tendency to blame that person for challenges. Blame shifts the responsibility but it also shifts the power to change. If you desire a better relationship, do not give away the power to change, use it! Besides, if you really want to know the truth, the problem is never with them, it’s always with you!

Yes, you may be thinking we cannot possible say that with certainty because we don’t know you or the person you are in a relationship with but all of that doesn’t matter. The power to change your relationship lies with you.

What’s more, we can prove it!

All human beings have 6 needs and each individual places certain needs as a priority over the others. There is a hierarchy of importance for you and for your life partner. Do you know what these need are and which ones you value most? If you don’t then how can you expect your partner to be able to fulfill them? Do you know which are most important for your significant other? If not, you don’t stand a chance of fulfilling their needs, do you?

The 6 human needs are a subject all to themselves and you can read more about them on our site but we’re going to give you a quick summary now. The needs are significance, connection (love), certainty, variety, growth, and contribution. The first four make up the primary needs that everyone finds a way to fill. The last two we must do in order to feel fulfilled.

Let’s start with you. Which of these needs is most important to you? Which is the next most important? Don’t just gloss over answering these questions. Really put thought into these needs, how you go about fulfilling them in your life, and to which ones you have assigned priority. Your entire life and your future are formed by these needs and how you fulfill them.

Now ask yourself the same questions about your partner. Do you know? Most people have no idea when we first ask this question. If you never thought about it, can you really claim you have done everything to make this relationship work? Of course you can’t so be honest with yourself.

The application of this understanding and knowledge is powerful yet simple to use. For example, if you forget your significant other’s birthday, you are clearly not fulfilling their need for significance, connection and love, or even certainty. How do you think they will respond regardless of the excuse you have? If your loved one says you never surprise them or do anything romantic, what are they really telling you? They don’t feel significant, connected, and you are not fulfilling their need for variety.

You see, whatever someone does or says tells you about their needs. If you understand this, and the priority they place on these needs, you can not only be more responsive… you can fulfill them before they become an issue. And this doesn’t just apply to fixing relationships. If you have a great relationship but have been unaware of these needs before, wait until you feel the love that is bestowed on you when you consciously make an effort to fulfill those needs in a better way!!! On the other hand, if you don’t apply this lesson in your relationship, you will eventually not have one.

Seeing a relationship as a type of personal development journey helps lighten the load and release tension. If you understand the disagreements are clues to their needs, it is a learning opportunity for you and the argument ceases to be about who is right and more about an opportunity for you to grow.

Your relationship is just another means of assisting you to become all that you can be and that is called personal development. In your relationship now, think of three ways you could possibly grow in terms of your ability to fulfill your partner’s needs. There are countless small, seemingly insignificant ways that have a profound and deep impact on your own personal growth and ultimately all of your relationships.

So take our 14 day challenge: For the next 14 days, put your energy and focus into finding out what your partners needs are and fulfilling them in every way you can. For 14 days do not even think about your own needs, just focus on them. We promise if you do that, you will see a dramatic improvement in your relationship. Take the challenge and create the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

Michael Bloxton

President & CEO

oneMYnd, LLC

Click here to learn the exact techniques and strategies the world’s top leaders in the human potential industry and business use to create results in their own lives.